What are you supposed to do?

Each day, I am encountered with my daily task list. I either have it written out (when I'm "on top of things" and my OCD tendencies get the better of me) or I have it in my head (which inevitably dissolves into a few items that usually only half-get done). Sometimes the realities of how much I have to do slightly freaks me out, which has at times rendered me helpless...or at least a little less able to start right away (and has at times been the main factor in the attack of the list beginning at 8pm after an entire day of finding other things to do).

So, amidst all of this, I constantly ask myself, "Is this really worth it?" I mean, really. Is it worth finding the perfect 100% whole wheat no-knead bread recipe? Is it worth blending my own hummus only to wash out the food processor parts...again. Is it worth having cast iron cookware, that I meticulously re-season after each use? Is grad school worth all of the sacrifices that seem potentially small at the time (take sleep for example), but may at some point have long-term irreversible consequences (take the inability to sleep at all as another example)? Is it worth vacuuming my apartment when in a few hours somebody will walk in, on a rainy day no less, and walk around before I catch them and say, "Please take off your shoes"? (Seriously people, didn't your mother teach you to remove your shoes when you come in the house? Isn't it slightly disgusting that you are tracking the entire grossness of the outside world through your home? Through my home?!) Is it worth growing my own sprouts, that I find myself constantly rinsing, and harvesting? Over and over and over again? Is it worth going to the gym to work out, when really, you're just setting yourself to take yet another shower? Is showering really worth it? They didn't shower back in the 1800's...so why do we have to now? Why do I even bother with all of this?

Because I do. Because it does matter, and yes, every bit is worth it. Finding the perfect easy bread recipe means paying $1.25/loaf of whole wheat goodness, instead of $6 for the same type of bread (with less nutritional value might I add). Blending my own hummus means I don't have to complain about the weird taste, since I get to make my own flavors (I'm going to try out sundried tomato and basil next!) Cast iron cookware, although it seems like it takes a lot of work, is more non-stick than regular non-stick cookware (which was developed to imitate cast iron cookware), it's cheaper, lasts longer, and cooks better. Not to mention, I'm not getting any of those chemicals in my body that take years to get rid of. As far as grad school, I hope it's worth it. After all this work, if I'm still working some lame job, I'll cry. A lot. Maybe I'll get my PhD then, so at least I can be called "Dr. Bentfield" at my lame job. I hope I re-learn how to sleep though, it's seriously messing me up. And shoot, vacuuming is underrated. I can lie down on my floor and know that I'm not essentially lying down on a city sidewalk...that's pretty sweet. Besides, the place just looks better after the grooming a carpet gets after a good vacuum. Nothing like it. I think I might have to put a sign on the door though to ask people to remove their shoes though...or maybe I'll buy a bunch of house-slippers so that when they come in, it's normal to slip them on for everybody and we can be all cozy and clean together. Yes, it's worth growing sprouts, although they can seem like a hassle at times. They really are easy to grow and are so healthy, it's hard to not do it. Besides, growing your own sprouts is like 95% cheaper than buying them at the store....And I suppose going to the gym has it's benefits. I won't always be winded walking up my stairs. And showering is good too- at least for the people around me. I'm a girl, so I just don't end up smelling that bad (I didn't shower for a week on a camping trip, and I wasn't gross per say).

So.

Sure. It's worth it I suppose. But why do I do it all? I think in the end, it's just because I care. I care about my body, I care about my family, I care about my environment, I care about the world. I care about sustainable living, and I care about being healthy. When I come to that to do list, I should be thinking, "What in this list supports what I care about the most?" Maybe that will help me divide and conquer the tasks, so I'll know what I'm supposed to do.