Thursday, June 14, 2007

Unidentified Mind Wanderings

Sleep deprived minds have an unconscious way about them. They have this tendency toward internal chaos while successfully keeping the mind-owner in the dark about the growing inner riot. Different levels of sleep deprivation exist however, such that no person is safe from experiencing the best and worse case scenarios in a matter of minutes.

This week, I have averaged 5 hours of sleep a night. For many young twenty-something professionals, this is an apparent norm. I am not a huge fan! I continually set the personal goal of getting to bed early and inevitably make it to bed 1.5 hours after that time. I ignore the alarm that goes off in my head which says to me, "Melody, tomorrow will suck if you keep at this." I have no idea why I ignore this warning as it always tells the truth. I have a hard time discerning if this is a moment when God is speaking or if it's my perfectionist side tending toward self-punishment for once again not following a personal rule or boundary. When I arrive at the point that the decision between either or is necessary, my thoughts get thrown into a melting pot and I lose the choice to decide.

It is a foreign experience when I process thoughts, feelings and emotions at lightening speed when I am tired. It's almost as if a greyhound has been let loose in my mind, but my mind is filled with molasses, resulting in that inevitable uproar that ends in the shut-down of all mental function and coherence until I am able to get my needed drug: sleep.

What a wonderful thing this drug is. It can heal and destroy the body. Enough sleep lends itself to a rested body with a joyful soul. Too much sleep sends the body towards a depressive state that directs one into that downward spiral of natural drunkenness. I have used it in both cases and find that the former is the optimal use of such potency.

Ambling away from mind-numbing exhaustion, I find myself ready to hop back into bed and hopefully will wake-up rested with a joyful soul. I will let you know. Until then good-night...or should I say good-afternoon?

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