4:00am

I woke up this morning at 3:30am actually. Waking up at odd times- anywhere from 1:30-4:30- has been a normal part of my evening for quite some time now. Usually, this is a symptom of my stress levels, and I believe this case is not an exception. It never ceases to amaze me when I have so many clear and rational thoughts at this ungodly hour or the morning.

This morning, I woke up processing through a dream that I had. I can't remember all of it, but I do remember that teenagers were involved, a set of parents, some clowns and a lock-box at an airport. I think one, two, or all three of the teenagers were dressed as clowns at one point...and possibly the parents. At least I was not dreaming of them eating me! I shudder whenever I see those T-shirts or posters that say, "Can't sleep...clowns will eat me." Oh, scary!

I have the song "Deliver Me" from the movie Brokedown Palace stuck in my mind right now. I was listening to my Gladiator station on Pandora and that was the last song that came on before I left for a meeting. It is by Sarah Brightman, and here are the lyrics:

Deliver me, out of my sadness.
Deliver me, from all of the madness.
Deliver me, courage to guide me.
Deliver me, strength from inside me.

All of my life I've been in hiding.
Wishing there was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through.

Deliver me, loving and caring.
Deliver me, giving and sharing.
Deliver me, the cross that I'm bearing

All of my life I was in hiding.
Wishing there was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through.

Deliver me,
Deliver me,
Oh deliver me.

All of my life I was in hiding.
Wishing there was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through.

Deliver me,
Oh deliver me.
Won't you deliver me

It has such a beautiful and haunting melody as it speaks to even the most assured person of being less than who they are at times. We sing this at TNL once in awhile, and a remarkable phenomenon happens- the chemistry of the room changes as a community of 500 or so people join together in song about the realities of our human's soul-need for rescue.

The most common misperception of Christianity is that one's life is supposed to be perfect after a person accepts Jesus as Lord of their life. Such a comfortable lie is so far from the truth. It's true, those who do not know God can go through some of the most horrific things which would cause them to wonder if there really is a God or if He can be good. But then again, Christians experience atrocities as well, possibly more so as they understand what is eternally at stake when the game is over.

Regardless of whether you are a believer or not, I think the character Brand Hauser (played by John Cusack) from War, Inc. said it best, "Did you know that the word "person" comes from the Latin word "persona", which means mask? So maybe being human means we invite spectators to ponder what lies behind. Each of us will be composed of a variety of masks, and if we can see behind the mask, we would get a burst of clarity. And if that flame was bright enough, that's when we fall in love. What's your opinion on these divine matters?" If that's true, are we all hiding, by nature, behind a mask? Do we all need to be freed from that mask so that we can truly be?

Those are my thoughts at 4:48am... Sleep well.